the last and the first

The best place to start is right now. Before I do this is where i stopped my last blog.(march 10 2014)

i cant believe the changes that have happened in my life in the last year, some good, some phenomenal, some terrible. How many of them were necessary and how many of them i caused by not choosing wisely or correctly i cant say. I know that because of everything my character has changed, mostly for the better-i hope-. i still cling to some of the old character, as some kind of protection i guess. 
But on the whole I am happier ,healthier and ready to face a future of uncertainty. I do so without my daughter. knowing that she is happy sometimes helps ease the pain of being without her, but often i am bent low under the burden of knowledge that our mortal relationship is changed, something i can never get back, something i cant recover, or recover from. I knew from many months ago this would leave a hole in my soul and I knew no one can live with a hole in their soul, it is impossible and yet, people do it everyday.
Despite this and maybe because of it, moving forward spiritually has become increasingly important to me. Knowing that my Saviour is beside me carrying my burden with me. Knowing that as much as i would like someone to rescue me from my predicament, it is mine to figure out, mine to solve, mine to survive and something that i will eventually thrive doing. -dont misunderstand me all help is gladly accepted, divine guidance comes often as an idea or thought is expressed by another
My life will probably look messy for quite some time it may never look as one would expect. New realities start everyday, for those who choose to accept them, to change with them, to grow and to nurture the person we want to become.
I falter everyday, i do dumb things everyday.
BUT 1 thing i do most days, and sometimes it is minute by minute is
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 I may not do it in the best way, i may not do it the way i should, but i do do it. yes i complain, yes i cry, yes i have pain and heartache, but i am alive, i have an amazing daughter , family and friends who have stood by me, stood up for me , watched over me and very importantly put up with me, I also have a hope for a bright and glorious future. Look out world here i come (slowly, cautiously and quietly of course) Happy birthday